


My Blue Moon

by sastielhugs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Sam, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Werewolves Are Known, Full Shift Werewolves, Human-Werewolf Interactions, M/M, Sastiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-01 15:00:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 8,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2777465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sastielhugs/pseuds/sastielhugs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically i set myself a challenge to write and post something little every day so i can keep myself motivated and get some work done. This is sastiel and AO3 needs more sastiel so i will post one chapter every day. Will add more characters and tags when i get to such.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He was told many times… 

_'Do not go in the woods at night. Do not go in the woods around full moon. Stay away from the woods.'_

Castiel, however, was well known with his curiosity and nothing good stayed hidden or secret for too long.  _Do not,_ only made him tingle and pushed him towards finding out  _why_  he had to listen. Besides, indoors wasn’t his preferred environment. How could he stay inside when the world outside was a lot more beautiful - the black star-spilt cosmos, the silver moon shining bright, the fresh air circulating in his lungs, the wildness of the vast spaces of glades and woods - it was all calling him. 

Was it because his curiosity or just against the odds, he went out the night before full moon. Didn’t take long to reach the woods and check all his favourite places. It was creepy and dark but he kept going even when nothing seemed familiar. He reached the brook, took a sip of cold clean water following up the stream. Although he walked hours there was nothing he found that scary and forbidden.                                                    

* * *

 

Sam rushed up the hill, breathing heavy, hot breath rolling in clouds over his lips and out of his nose. Muscles tensing, new smell filling his nose and he likes it so much. It’s better than anything he smelled before. 

He knew the others would smell it soon too, but as an alpha he was first, and he had to keep everyone away until he knew who was that and what he wanted. The woods was his territory and he had fought for it many times, the scars over his body was a history legend of his fights. Young but wiser than other alphas from the north.  

Reaching the top of the hill, staring at the moon, he arched his back, threw his head back and howled. An alpha howl - loud, powerful, blood-freezing, extended as he gave all he is worth in that alpha call. 

The howl still echoed when Sam speeded down the hill towards the water stream. 

Castiel heard it all. He didn’t expect that but he knew damn well that howls weren’t a good thing and finally realized he didn’t have to be in the woods as he was told. 

He didn’t know where he was but if he followed the water stream it would led him to a familiar area. 

Excited, scared, heart pounding he ran. 


	2. Chapter 2

Tripping over his feet Castiel hurried down the bank of the brook. For a first time he felt fear. He have been warned so many times not to go out in the woods at night time. But did he listen? … of course not. Castiel was too curious. 

The more he ran the more his heart pounded faster and harder. Even worse, the area wasn’t getting any familiar and he was losing his mind. The howls were coming closer and closer and a feeling deep inside him warned for an approaching danger. 

Fast glimpse over his shoulder failed his coordination and the next moment he was face down flat in the forest’s dirt and rubble. The air was punched out of his lungs, his knees hurt and palms were bleeding, despite that he forced back on his feet, panting, and kept running. 

Sam was farther than everyone and he was worried that his pack would reach the pray before him. And sure his back didn’t do anything without his command but around full moon everyone had to be caution. Not one time had he dealt with wild werewolves who couldn’t control themselves.

When the smell of blood hit his face something inside him clicked. He was a predator and the smell of blood meant food especially around full moon he didn’t really care what food it was. He could recognize it was human blood and he growled, teeth clasping in a blood freezing way as he speeded up towards the source. He wasn’t expecting anything, he didn’t want to kill but just to reach what had engaged his attention. 

Castiel’s stomach turned when he ran pass the bench he used to come, sit, and read at sunny days. He was getting closer to home. But 4 steps away from it a pair of arms wrapped around his body, turned him around. He fell on the ground again, landing on something softer than rubble but still gasped and started fighting. The other body shifted him and pinned him to the ground until Cas stopped fighting, unable to see whoever is above him, lungs burning with lack of air. 

The werewolves approached, circling the man on a distance of 2-3 meters. They were growling low, interested, but no one dared to come closer to the panting on the ground man. 

'H-he-lp' Castiel gasped, voice too quiet, hearing nothing but breathing around him, feeling the growing tension. 

Sam wasn’t late after the others, growling with his alpha timber until everyone stepped back one more step. He then approached the man on the ground, knelt down, knees on either sides of Castiel’s hips, he traced fingers over his arms, taking the sight of the writhing beneath him man. That’s the scent that had got his attention, that’s the blood he had smelled upper the brook. 

Blue eyes blinked up at him and with his wolf powers Sam left breathless when the moon reflected in those deep pools. Whatever he felt suddenly multiplied by 10. Heart pounded harder and faster… he wasn’t turning… it wasn’t full moon yet. 

It was Castiel. 


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel’s blue eyes were staring up at the man, wild hair falling in front of his face, but not hiding the red alpha rubies, changing slowly with his natural olive-hazel colour.  

It was silence, only heavy breathing and low growls from the most distance impatient werewolves. Castiel was speechless, chest heaving, he wanted to look around, to count how much there were, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the alpha. 

Sam’s expression softened for a second before his nose and forehead wrinkled, and he leaned down suddenly nosing Castiel’s neck, breathing in his scent. Castiel squirmed and whimpered shortly, eyes squeezing shut. Nothing bad happened, nothing painful, so he looked around confused and met the man’s eyes again. 

'Who are you?' Sam asked low but clear, radiating dominance. 

Castiel was feeling trapped, lungs burning, scared. He expected something bad, but he was still alive. How he knew? His body hurt, palms burning and bleeding, and mostly his heart pounding against his chest. 

'Tell me your name and what are you doing here?' 

'I-i-i'm Castiel… i was… i was just walking .. around.' He answered so quietly that Sam had to use his wolf hearing to make sure he heard right. 

The werewolves moved, tension easing slightly, chuckling at the man’s fear. Some dared to express witty opinions which irritated Sam and he only glared and growled at them till it was silence again. He turned gaze back at Castiel. 

'Don't you know it's dangerous to walk out at night… around full moon?' He tried to sound concern, less threatening, but Castiel didn't ease. 

'I-i've been warned…' he admitted, legs shifting slowly in attempt to find a way to push himself away from Sam hoovering above him. 

'And you never considered to listen? You never considered the thought that maybe there's a reason?' Sam tilted, face inches from Castiel. 

Castiel couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose and flinch.Sam’s breath stank like rotten flesh and blood and he didn’t want to know what he had eaten the last few days. Whatever he ate… wasn’t home cooked with potatoes. Everyone started laughing again but Castiel wasn’t even the little bit amused. 

'I wanted… to know… why.'  

'What if the truth kills you?' Sam's eyes flashed red and he snarled, upper lip pulling back. 

'NO PLEASE.' Castiel sobbed and tried to push Sam in the chest. 

The wolf sat on his legs to prevent him from kicking and grabbed his wrists, bringing his hands to his face to inspect the bleeding. 

'PLEASE DON'T HURT ME' Castiel felt unable to fight, the grip too tight around his wrists, and he didn't care how pathetic he looked, didn't care how the werewolves in the surrounding were laughing at him.

'Sshhhh.' Sam hissed and used his thumbs to open Castiel's fists. 

The man writhed, whimpered and opened his eyes in awful anticipation of what would follow. He didn’t get his fingers bitten off but only Sam’s broad tongue licking his wounded palms, cleaning up the blood and dirt. Castiel silenced. He was ashamed, but also confused. The tongue felt wet and a bit nasty.

Once he finished, Sam stood up on his feet, grabbed Castiel by the clothes and pulled him up to his feet. He squeezed his shoulders and leaned closer ‘Run home. Don’t turn around-‘

The werewolves growled and stepped forward minatory, not happy with what was happening. Sam looked every each of the, growling throatily in a warn. Castiel’s eyes were wide again. Was SAm protecting him. 

'Run home… and don't come back.' He let go of Castiel and stepped back. 'GO' He yelled and pointed behind Castiel's back. 

The man almost tripped and fell again. Even already far from the werewolves he could feel their eyes on his back. 


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel shut closed and locked the doors of the house and his room. His knees couldn’t handle it and he slid down the door, eyes pinned on the window of the room but not actually seeing. He could hear his own pulse thumping in his ears, throat dry, fingers shaking. 

_Werewolves…_

All that time there were werewolves, all those men were werewolves and they could have killed him, ripped him apart like a piece of meat. But they didn’t. None dared to move. The alpha protected him. 

Castiel jumped on his feet and rushed to the window. He looked out of it for sometime in case one of those half human, half wolves had followed him. There was no one. 

He then hid in the bathroom and cleaned his hands with water and after that cleaned the wounds on his palms. He was scared that Sam’s mouth might have infected him. He was going to see a doctor soon. 

Even when he went to bed he couldn’t fall asleep for nearly 2 hours. Even when he finally did he could only see the beautiful red rubies of the half naked strong werewolf hovering over his body. 

* * *

 

'What was that?' One of the younger werewolves stood up to Sam. 

'What?' Sam growled at him.

'You let him run! He was in our hands. Came here all on his own.'

'So?' Sam frowned, shook his head and bumped shoulder into the other as he walked pass him.

'We could have had so much fun.' 

'His heart….' Sam said quietly 'That little heart of his could burst with fear. As much as i enjoyed it…' Sam couldn't finish that he has never seen such amazing blue eyes… never inhaled such intoxicating scent and he just couldn't harm him. Even just the bleeding palms had made Sam's stomach clench shortly and he had tried to help. He was scared for the full moon. What if, for some reason, he lost his mind and followed the trace to Castiel and…He shook his head. 

'We want fun, Sam.' The werewolf named Samandriel insisted. 'Chasing humans, clawing at them, playing with them and if they hearts handled it we would play little more before sending them to hospital.' 

'I won't let anyone from the pack lose control, not around full moon.' Sam glared at Samandriel. 'And no one would touch that man.' Samandriel checked Sam out, suspiciously. 'Back to the camp.' Sam ordered quietly. He stood silent, alone, looking at the direction where Castiel had run. 

Till the rest of the night he couldn’t stop thinking of the beautiful blue pools reflecting the Moon, the thick dry lips, the heavy breathing, that amazing smell of sweaty human skin…

Sam wanted to see him again… 


	5. Chapter 5

_It was a dream,_ Castiel thought first when he woke up in the morning. He didn’t hurry to leave bed; he was warm and content just like he liked it. His stomach rumbled, it was almost noon. 

Curling his fingers in the sheet made his palms ache and feel weird. Seeing the scratches he remembered and realized - he hadn’t dreamed it. He really had visited the forest and he was definitely attacked from werewolves. For some reason he felt no fear, not like last night, there was an easy feeling but it wasn’t horror. He wanted to go back… maybe meet what seemed to be the alpha, the one that took care of him and sent him home. Castiel wanted to see him again even if it’s just to say thank you, although it seemed ironic. 

All day he was far from concentrated. He had to make up an explanation of his hurt palms and his family seemed to believe his words. 

After the afternoon tea he tucked a gun with silver bullets at the back of his pants and made his way into the forest. Under daylight it wasn’t scary but really beautiful. He enjoyed it more than anyone else from the family. They saw free wood, they took the forest for granted. While Castiel saw it as a part of his home, somewhere he could find peace and solitude for a couple of hours. But then he wasn’t the only one considering it home. 

He sat on his bench for sometime, listening to the brook streaming not too far from him, the birds chirping somewhere above his head and it seemed like a completely different world compared to the previous night.  

The alpha’s voice echoed through Castiel’s head as he slowly replayed it all. The birds stopped chirping and it took Castiel some time to realize it. He frowned and then there was a sound of cracking branches behind him. When he turned around he would swear there was someone who started running. 

'HEY, WAIT.' Castiel yelled and ran after him. He was way slower than the other but didn't give up. He was getting deeper and deeper until-

He caught up on the shirtless man, miles long legs, broad shoulders, long shaggy hair covering his neck, tensed position of his body. Castiel breathed heavy for air. 

'Thank you-' he panted 'For saving my life.' 

The other slowly turned out, lips parted, expression soft. He checked Castiel out and nodded shortly. 

Heavy silence. 

'I'm Sam…' 

Castiel smiled slightly. 


	6. Chapter 6

_Eyes so blue, full lips, raven messy hair reflecting the sun rays,_ Sam couldn’t take his eyes off the man, noticing every detail, noticing what he couldn’t notice the previous night. He felt naked being seen under daylight, body position far from threatening. It was weird, new,  _no,_ he must walk away, he must not look so friendly. 

'I'm Castiel, family and friends call me Cas.' 

 _Voice… low, a bit rough but prepossessing and Sam wanted to hear more._ He concentrated on Castiel, wanted to make him talk more but at the same time they had to stay away from each other. Sam was not scared he might hurt Castiel, he was scared that Castiel might do something to him. Under those sparkly blue pools Sam felt allured, interested, but he had to fight it. 

'So you… you are a werewolf?' 

'Yes. And we must not be here talking. Aren't you scared?' Sam kept sounding not dangerously. 

'Is there a reason i should be?' Cas tilted head. 

'I can drag you so deep into the woods and rip you in pieces and no one would find even a finger.' Sam said coldly, face emotionless, though his chest burnt and he had no idea why, but the full moon wasn't the only reason. 

'But you won't.' Cas stepped closer. 'If you were that dangerous you would have done it last night.'

'Don't provoke me, Castiel. You don't know me.' 

'You don't want to give me a chance to get to know you.' He stepped closer and Sam stepped back. He couldn't let such thing to happen. 

'Go home, Castiel and don't come back. You don't want to know this world.' 

'I love the forest, Sam. And obviously i share it with creatures like you.' 

'We don't share our forest.' 

'No one ever stopped me coming here to read. You didn't hurt me. You don't mind me being here. You don't want your pack to know.'

Sam clenched his jaw and stepped to Castiel, standing up to his whole glory, feeling the fire in his chest spreading. He could feel Castiel staring right into his soul but didn’t break the intense eye contact. 

'I'm an alpha, i have a big pack and i say this forest is ours and for your safety you should stay away from the deeper parts. Sit at your bench, read your adventure books and forget about me.' 

Castiel frowned and tilted head even more. ‘How do you know that?’ 

Sam’s face flushed, he was busted, he couldn’t admit he had observed Castiel few times when he was younger, he couldn’t admit how amazing he smelled then and now… 

Sam turned around and ran, frustrated, panicked even. 

'SAM WAIT.' Castiel yelled after him but didn't chase. His heart was racing already. His thoughts were trying to fit together. 

Sam has always been near him and Castiel never noticed. 


	7. Chapter 7

Back home, in the house, Castiel sat for dinner, poking his food, while his mind was far, somewhere back in the forest where Sam was. He wanted to be there, sit on his bench with Sam and talk under the moon light. But for some reason Sam didn’t want him around and it hurt Cas. Whenever he thought about how Sam ran, how he growled at him and chased him away, it clenched Cas’ stomach. He didn’t want that between them. He didn’t know what he wanted but whatever it was it was involving Sam. 

No one from the family disturbed his thoughts. They knew that even if they tried it wouldn’t be successful so they let him drown in his own world. When the dinner finished he slowly gathered the leftovers and went outside walking through the garden to the other end where the barn with the dogs was. He turned on the lights, greeted the horses with good evening and went to the 3 leashed dogs to serve them some dinner. They whined happily and jumped around Cas. He petted them and put the leftovers in their bowls. He didn’t hurry to go back to the house so he went to brush one of his favourite horses. 

The calm silence was disturbed when the dogs suddenly started barking violently and the horses neighing frightened. Cas was startled, he jumped back and looked around, wondering what brought such chaos. He heard movement outside and then the lights were down and complete darkness fell. 

'Hello?!' Cas called as the animals suddenly got quiet. There was nothing. He went to the door and looked outside carefully, the area barely lightened by the house that seemed haven't noticed anything. Cas walked to the corner of the front leaning and looking at the dark end of the barn. He could swear he saw movement. 'Sam?' he called and slowly walked to the back of the barn. 

When he found nothing he turned around to go back only to be attacked and pushed on the ground. Breath punched out of his chest he couldn’t scream and yell for help, something massive and heavy and furry hoovering above him. Cas tried to fight it off, kicked and punched until it ran away. Cas looked around, trying to take a breath. Then just few feet away he saw the massive figure of the thing approaching again. He pulled out the gun from his pants, pointed it at it and pulled the trigger. 

He lay on the ground, breathless, in pain, as the air around him was slowly getting colder, making him shake, the side of his stomach burning. ‘Help-’ he whispered, unable to move, slowly losing conscious.  


	8. Chapter 8

When Castiel came back to conscious, it was a bit after midnight. He felt cold, his skin was cold, he was shaking but on the inside he was burning. With unknown strength he made it back to the house, up the stairs, pealing the clothes off of him before hiding under the cover, staining the sheets with blood. 

Breath heavy and hot, tears and sweat rolling down his face, Cas trashed his head on the pillow, begging for the pain to stop. 

* * *

 

'Sam, we've got a problem.' Dean stormed in the cottage, concern painting his face. Sam frowned at him and needed a second to read on his brother's face that something was really wrong. 

He followed Dean outside where there were few other werewolves, those who could control themselves better and didn’t need to hide deeper in the forest. There were in a circle, Sam pushed them and saw on the ground the small figure of one wolf from his pack - Samandriel. He was shaking and bleeding on the ground. 

'Step away.' Sam growled to everyone and knelt down to the boy, embracing him in his hug. 'What happened to you?' 

Samandriel tried to focus on Sam, blood dripping out of his mouth, chocking on his words. 

'Got shot…. silver.' His stomach was bleeding. Samandriel cried. 

'Shot you? Who shot you?' 

'H-human.. blue eyes…' he whimpered and clutched on Sam's arms. 

Sam’s throat and stomach clenched. Castiel wasn’t such person. Why would he do that? 

'I don't remember… much… i think  … attacked him.' 

Sam froze silent as Samandtiel writhed in pain in his arms. Sam had mixed feelings. He was angry at Samandriel for losing control, for attacking Cas, he was mad at Cas as well for shooting a wolf of his, and he was worried for Cas and for Samandriel…. his head was a whirlpool of thoughts and feelings. 

'What did you do to Castiel? Is he okay?' 

'I-i… don't know…' Samandriel chocked and cried with pain. Sam hugged him and tries to ease him but the chance was too small. 

'Sam…' Dean called softly, deep sad crease between his brows, slowly shaking head. 

'Sam. He-elp me.' Samandriel cried. 

Sam kissed Samandriel’s head and clenched his jaw. His hands slid to Samandriel’s head, holding steady and with squeezed eyes he snapped his neck broken, the boy going limp in his arms. 

It was quiet. Too painfully quiet. Sam carefully lay Samandriel on the ground, making him look as if he was asleep. Then he whispered. 

'Nothing more to see here.' 


	9. Chapter 9

Sam moved Samandriel’s body inside and ordered the others to take care of him, prepare him for a funeral in the morning. He sent Dean to find the others and bring them to their area. 

Meanwhile Sam tried to push down all his feelings as he ran towards Castiel’s house. It didn’t take him much of an effort to trace Castiel’s smell and soon he was there. He stopped by the barn and looked at the house. It was dark. It was too early for anyone to be up. 

A little light was barely flickering at one of the windows and it caught Sam’s attention. He came closer to the house and looked up, listening carefully. It was Castiel’s room, not too high, maybe Sam could climb there… 

He was fast and quiet. He peeked through the window and saw Cas writhing uneasy in his bed. It had to be a miracle when the window opened and Sam could easily come inside. He stood aside for some time watching over Cas who was obviously suffering. Sam’s stomach clenched and he came closer, pulling a chair to the bed and sitting next to Cas. 

‘ _Ngghh…ah-‘_ Cas cried and whimpered, clutching at the sheets. 

For a first time in a long time Sam felt burn in his gut, worry for someone else who wasn’t part of his pack. Deep sad crease cut through his forehead and he slowly reached hand to Cas, uncurling his clutching fingers and taking his hand gently. He could feel Castiel’s pain and tried to take up on it at least a bit and it helped. Cas relaxed a bit and quiet down, still frowning in his uneasy sleep. 

Sam moved the covers and saw where Cas was wounded from Samandriel. Sam felt tears in his eyes. Cas was going to either die or get poisoned of the claws and turn in some sort of a monster that Sam would have to kill and Sam didn’t want that, he didn’t want to lose Cas. They barely met, finally met after so many years of Sam stalking on him. 

Sam sat on the edge of the chair and gently placed his large palm on Cas’ sweaty forehead.

'I'm here Castiel… hang on… please…' he felt his bottom lip tremble slightly. ' _Please stay …._ ' 


	10. Chapter 10

It was almost lunch time when Castiel woke up. He was feeling fairly fine. Tossing the sheets aside he saw blood stains and almost panicked. There were scratches on the side of his stomach but they were cleaned and stitched up. There was slight uncomfortable feeling, but not unbearable. He managed to sit up and went to look out the window. 

He wasn’t sure what had happened the previous night but it hadn’t been good. He opened the window and the fresh air hit him in the face, sun rays caressing his skin and it all felt somehow stronger than usual. Cas liked it and smiled softly. He dressed up, planning to hide his wounds from the curious eyes of his family. 

For some reason he could smell breakfast and coffee stronger than other times and his stomach rumbled. Downstairs were only his mother, his granny and his sister Anna with her baby. They greeted him and asked him how he slept and obviously no one knew he had a tough night on the edge of death. The moment he saw eggs and bacon in a plate waiting for him he immediately sat down to eat it. It tasted amazing and Castiel couldn’t help to groan with pleasure and compliment his mother. 

When he took the first sip of coffee the taste exploded on his tongue and it felt sweeter than ever before. Everything felt and tasted different, Castiel felt different throughout the whole day, somehow stronger, enjoying every little thing. Maybe it was because he almost had died the previous night. 

The thought hit him and for a while he sat frozen trying to remember… and he did. He was attacked by something big and furry with claws that had wounded him. For some reason he wasn’t scared but wanted to know more. 

* * *

 

 Not too far behind the cottage, Sam had gathered his pack around a little beautiful grave. Sam stood on front position and everyone else on the both sides. The day was warm, sunny, birds chirping in the forest, but the werewolves were silent. Mourning the death of a family member. 

'He was too young.' Sam spoke first. 'And i'm sorry i couldn't prevent that.' He silenced again. 'Samandriel's destiny has never been to be part of a wolf pack. As an alpha i often can tell what people are capable of having such life. Samandriel wasn't one of them and still i took him in our family. I'm sorry his end was tragic, but i tried to save him from his misery.'  

'Who did this to him?' Samandriel's closest friend asked angrily. Sam's stomach clenched and he tried to avoid telling the truth. 

'Doesn't matter. Samandriel couldn't control himself and i can't follow everyone around… it's was his own fault.' 

'If i only find out who did this to him…' the other growled and tried to walk away but Sam caught his biceps and held him on place.

'You are not doing anything without my order. One wrong step and i will kick you out.' Sam warned him, faces inches apart.

'You've been weird recently.' The beta shook head, snatched his arm from Sam's grip and got back to the cottage. 

The others kept silent. They didn’t want to pick side. They had to follow the alpha. Still there was a feeling that the other beta was right and Samandriel deserved revenge. 

Sam, however, wasn’t planning to tell them about Castiel. 


	11. Chapter 11

Getting ready for bed Castiel inspected his wounder in the mirror. They didn’t seem that bad so he thought he shall live. The energy from the morning had drained out slowly and if he didn’t feel pain then, now he felt slightly beaten up and he could feel the stitches through his skin. 

He still had no idea how he had managed to come back home and… did he stitched himself? 

It didn’t matter, he was okay, even better than okay, he felt different just a bit, maybe even a bit more distand from his family. Sure he loved his family and always had great time with them, but he wasn’t as everyone else. He was quieter, closed, preferred to be alone with his thoughts and books and day dreaming. Everyone knew that so they never made problem out of it. 

* * *

 

Sam and his pack spent the entire day mourning Samandriel’s death. They shared nice memories with him, discussed how the full moon felt for everyone, and if they would go soon to one of those packs meetings that happened ones in 2-3 months - alphas giving report, beta’s and omega’s meeting others like them, new werewolves learning more about the werewolf life. It was exciting for everyone and ego boasting for the alphas. 

The they passed fast, very much to Sam’s liking, and he finally thought about Castiel again. He had been okay when Sam had left him before dawn and Sam hoped he was okay. 

Hope wasn’t enough,however. Sam wanted to see Cas for himself. So when the night started falling he just left the cottage and headed down towards Castiel’s house. He stood aside, watched for sometime and moved to under Castiel’s window. Sam could smell him - so nice, alluring as it has always been. There was very little light. Sam took pebbles from the ground and started throwing at the window. 

Castiel frowned and walked out of the bathroom, looking around the room. He heard the rattling on the window and almost jumped aside. He flipped the light on and went to the window, carefully opening it up. 

'Hello?' He called and then saw a figure running towards the barn. For some reason the darkness wasn't that thick to his eyesight and he could almost swear the massive figure was Sam. 'Sam?' He called a bit louder. He wanted to see Sam again. 

Heart pounding with excitement, Cas rushed out of his room and went directly downstairs. He rushed out of the house and almost tripping over his feet he reached the barn, called Sam again and looked around. 

Sam was nowhere to be seen or heard. 


	12. Chapter 12

The afternoon on the next day Castiel took the new book he was reading and bench; sunlight making its way between the leaves and branches, falling right over him. The birds were chirping, the little brook was quietly and streaming not too far from where Cas was sitting, relaxing his hearing. The book swallowed Cas’ attention with ease. He had read so many books and it was never boring. He craved life with adventures.

He had no idea how much time have passed since he was sitting and reading but at some point he felt presence, familiar smell, cracking leaves… Castiel slowly turned his head, tearing eyes off the white pages and looked directly at the one who had been observing him.

It had taken Sam nearly 20 minutes to gather bravery and approach. He had been standing on the side for 5 when Castiel finally had looked up at him. His blue eyes were sparkling under the afternoon soon, catching in his hair, making everything outline of his face sharp. He looked fine. Great even, beautiful.. Sam’s throat went dry and he just stood there, in his ripped knee-long jeans and compared to Castiel he was dirty, unclean, like a wild animal. 

Castiel smiled at him in the sweetest warm way anyone has ever looked at Sam. 

'Hello, Sam' He greeted softly, putting thumb between the pages of his book before closing it slowly, giving Sam his full attention.

'Hey, Castiel' Sam greeted back, voice hoarse and he tried to fix it immediately, standing aside awkwardly. 'H-how are you?'  _Did the alpha just stutter while talking to a man?_

'Very well, thank you. And how are you?' 

Sam stood there, blinking. How did he feel? He didn’t have an answer. No one ever asked him that. What he felt was a storm of emotions in his chest: mourn over Samandriel, concern, excitement, confusion and curiosity. 

'Better' he managed to answer and Castiel didn't really understand and just smiled a bit more. 

'Wh-what are you reading?' 

'Just another adventure book i like.' Cas shrugged a bit and patted the seat next to him on the bench. 'Please… come and sit.' Sam felt his heart going wild and it confused him even more. Still he nodded slightly and cautiously approached Cas. He gave him some free space and Sam slowly sat next to him, feeling the warmth both from the sun rays and Cas' body.

They sat there in silence looking at each other as nothing else was as interesting.  

'So you like to read.' Sam broke the silence first more as a statement than a question. 

'Very much, yes. It's interesting, takes you away from the real world. Do you like to read, Sam?' 

Sam felt his face going hot with embarrassment. He didn’t expect that question and his answer would made Cas laugh and pity him. 

'I… well… i don't have much time… and books… i …' Sam sighed but he felt like he couldn't lie to Cas. Cas had to know the truth. 'I-i.. i can't read…' He glimpsed at Cas and saw him staring in surprise. Sam was ashamed and hurried to stand up. 'I'd better go…'

'No, please, stay.' Cas grasped his wrist, a bit too fast and clingy, and Sam could swear a spark ran through him. Cas swallowed, his hairs standing up by the touch and Sam's surprised olive eyes. Time froze for few seconds that felt like hours and Sam finally nodded returning to his seat. Cas smiled happily at him and shifted closer, spreading the book both on his and Sam's thigh. 'Here, let me read you something. It's not that difficult' 

They sat on the bench, Cas following the words on the page with a pointer, pronouncing every word carefully, voice pouring smooth and caressing pleasantly Sam’s ears. 

And Sam… he couldn’t tear his eyes of Cas’s face and mostly his full lips and the way they formed the words. There was new feeling in his stomach he both liked and didn’t like. He couldn’t bring himself to stop staring and yes.. feeling. 


	13. Chapter 13

Everyday from 4 to 5 in the afternoon Sam and Castiel met on the bench. They didn’t do much in particular, it was mostly Castiel bringing a book and reading to Sam throughout the entire hour. Sometimes he would give half a page to Sam who would squint at the black chain of words and try to read them, too confusing and adorable that would make Cas laugh shortly and correct him. Sam would blush and shove the book back in Cas’s hands murmuring something that may sound like  _'this is stupid'._ Cas would shake his head, still grinning like an idiot and Sam can’t help but replace the grumpiness with a smile because Castiel is charming and so sweet to him and again he couldn’t take his eyes off of him. 

When Castiel finished with another chapter he slowly closed the book. 

'We will find out what will happen tomorrow.' He smiled and turned his head just to find Sam leaning closer to him more than other times. Castiel could smell him better, study his beautiful eyes, feel his breath on his face and although it wasn't the nicest smell Castiel couldn't pull back,  _no_ , he even leaned closer. His voice came soft and quiet. ‘Unless… we take some more time to.. read…’ 

'Or you want to read just to get distracted… from me…' 

Their eyes locked, Castiel noticing the blush over Sam’s cheek, the alpha hearing his heartbeat picking up speed. The space shortened and shortened, tips of their noses brushing and Castiel tilting his head just the slightest… 

Dull howls echoed somewhere far from the forest and Sam was fast on his feet, leaving Castiel hanging akward and surprised, redness crawling up his neck. He looked up at Sam, blinking and coming back to his senses, the reality hitting him cold. 

'I have to go. I shouldn't be here…' Sam said over shoulder and before Castiel could say anything he was already running away. 

Cas stood up from the bench and took few steps after him but stopped. Too many thoughts rushed through his mind, skin pricking goosebumps. He could feel Sam’s breath still on his face and hoped they would continue where they left off the next afternoon. 


	14. Chapter 14

Castiel’s brain was blank for the rest of the day. There was nothing but Sam before his eyes, his breath on his face; Castiel’s hair stood up on the back of his neck every time he remembered Sam’s nose touching his and they were so close…

Castiel shuddered and his cheeks suddenly felt hot. Plate half full he excused himself and got back to his room, sitting on the window. Honestly, he had no idea why he was reacting like that. Was it possible to have a crush on Sam? Sam was a wolf and they didn’t talk much either. Every day for a week they sat on the same bench, Cas reading books for them both and then after an hour they would stare at each other for sometime before one of them will make a reason to leave and they didn’t want to,  _oh no_ , they wanted to talk, Castiel wanted to ask him more about his life and hear his voice in longer sentences. And Sam wanted to ask Cas about the things he liked and why he loved the forest and to read adventures. 

Neither of them ever dared to say anything and Sam always stared after Cas when he was walking away, always sorry he didn’t act more friendly, show more affection, but Castiel was leaving him speechless, Sam felt drawn to him. Leader of a pack but his knees went weak every time Cas smiled. 

During the night the skies opened and heavy rain started pouring. Till the evening of the next day the sky was grey and it didn’t stop raining. Castiel couldn’t go in the forest to his bench and wondered if Sam would go and wait for him, but then again the weather was too bad for anyone to go out for anything. Castiel was disappointed. Meeting Sam was the highlight of his day. Most of the time he stood by his window, looking out of it and hoping to see Sam in case he had decided to come and visit him despite the bad weather. 

 _Did Sam have a home_ , Castiel thought many times. Sam didn’t look perfect, wearing always the same ripped dirty knee-long jeans, barefoot, nails long with dirt benath them and still Cas wasn’t disgusted or pushed away. Even the smell wasn’t the worst thing. Castiel liked him no matter what. He hoped Sam wasn’t somehwere alone out there, letting the cold rain soak in his bones. 

The rain didn’t stop for the next 2 days and Castiel got homesick for the forest that wasn’t his home, craving a man he didn’t know. 


	15. Chapter 15

Sam did go to the bench every afternoon. Soaked wet he went there every day and wasn’t surprised when Casitel wasn’t there, Sam couldn’t blame him, the weather was awful. Sam liked that weather, liked the forest in the condition but it kept Castiel away from their place, from him…

 _Their place_  

Since when Sam considered the bench their place? That part of the forest looked lonely without Castiel around, without his scent that was replaced with dirt and rain and ozone. The warm bright afternoons flashed before Sam’s eyes and when he blinked it was gloomy, cold and rainy again… as if it all never happened. 

Castiel’s book was on the bench, soaked wet and probably too ruined to be read. It felt somehow broken in Sam’s hands and his heart clenched, that was one of Castiel’s favourite books and they hadn’t finished it yet. What if Castiel never returned to this place again? 

Sam stayed in the cottage all the time. Most of the werewolves had entertaining somewhere out while Sam, Dean, Adam and Ruby stayed inside. Sam sat on the table, wondering if he could fix Castiel’s book. 

'Where'd you find that?' Ruby sat across the table and threw her legs on top of it. 

'Outside' Sam answered stiffly. 

'You give that thing a lot of attention. Is it important?' 

Sam glimpsed at Ruby, shifting shortly in his seat. ‘Yes.. to me it is.’ 

'This looks like crap…' 

Sam dropped his fist on the table and glared at Ruby who froze and stared at Sam a bit surprised. 

'You are not okay in the last few days. Is it because of Samandriel?' 

'What do you want me to say? Yes… he was family. I cared about him.' 

'That's why you are using your time wisely to find out who did this to him.' 

'Are you implying something?' Sam growled which got Dean and Adam' attention from their board game. 

'Yes, yes i do! You either sit here or go out for one hour everyday, doing god knows what, and when you come back there's that smell all over you, and you care for nothing while most of us want to know what happened that night.'

'And when you find out, what would you do?' 

'Seek revenge.' Ruby leaned over the table. 

'This is not a solotuin.' Sam shook head and stood up from the table determine to end this conversation. 

'What's wrong, Sam?' Dean approached his brother. 'You are all nervous since… Samandriel's..'

'Would you all finally stop with that? I don't want to listen. I don't want to discuss. It's none of your business.' 

'What?' Dean stared him surprised 'There's no I in the pack, Sam.'

Sam growled and walked to the door. 

'Be careful what you are doing out there, Sam.' Dean warned him right before Sam slammed the door. 

He was feeling guilty for the secret he kept from his pack about hanging out with the one that shot Samandriel. He couldn’t bring himself to hate Castiel, but couldn’t give up on the pack either. He was afraid for a first time. Afraid and scared, feeling in a trap between two worlds, in a trap of his own emotions. 

He had to end the happy afternoons with Castiel and make things clear. 


	16. Chapter 16

The first dry and sunny day Castiel rushed out of his home heading directly to the forest to his bench. There were 15 minutes till 4 and he was trembling with anticipation. Sam would come any moment as always. The bench was too wet to sit on it so he just stood there, looking around. There were mushrooms and a lot of worms after the torrential rain. Everything smelled fresh and clean with a hint of musk. 

Castiel didn’t need to turn around to sense Sam’s presence, to smell his specific scent he got used to. When he turned around Sam was there, half naked as always, feet dirty, he was checking Cas out. 

'Sam' Castiel gasped and approached Sam in few fast steps, smile stretching across face. 'Hi.' 

'Hey, Castiel.' Sam greeted quietly and extended hand forward giving back Castiel's book that didn't look like it anymore. 

Castiel frowned and took it, a bit confused. 

'When i came back on the following day i found it like that. I'm sorry.' Sam explained. 

'No need to apologies. It's my fault i forgot it. Thank you though.' He smiled softly and they looked each other in silence for some time. 'The bench is wet to sit on it. If you don't mind we can go over my place and …'

Sam stepped back and shook his head ‘I can’t do that, Castiel. I just came to return you the book.’

Disappointment and confusion painted Castiel’s face. ‘Don’t you want me to teach you English anymore?’

'It's not that Castiel. I must not be here.'

'Why not?' Castiel insisted and stepped closer to him again.

'Because it's dangerous. Because you must not deal with me.'

'But i want to.'

'You don't want to get involved with me.' Sam growled 'This life is not for you, Castiel. And i can't involve with you although…' He silenced. 

'What? Although what?' Castiel searched his eyes with hope. 

'I'm an alpha! I put the pack on first place. I can't have any interests outside the pack.'

'You are interested in me.' Castiel announced quietly and saw the proof in Sam's eyes when he looked away. 

'Go home and don't come back.' Sam ordered quietly and turned around to leave but Castiel caught his wrist and got his attention again. 

'No! You can't just tell me to leave because i can't leave you, i can't leave what we have behind.'

'And what is it? HUH?' Sam snatched from his gripped and stepped dangerously towards him, making him back up. 'Sitting on the bench and reading that bullshit every day.' Sam's eyes glowed and Castiel stepped back his stomach tying in a knot by Sam's words and his sudden minatory approach. 'This is not a fairy tail, Castiel. Snap out of it and stop looking for adventure here because you will only find pain.' 

Castiel’s back pressed to a tree, unable to take his glistening eyes off of Sam’s. 

'But i thought..'

”What? That it meant something?’ 

'You nearly kissed me' 

Sam’s angry expression slowly softened and he listened to Castiel’s hammering heart. Castiel wasn’t stupid and Sam didn’t want to corner him like that but he knew it was better for both of them to stay away from each other. 

'You shot Samandriel with silver bullet. I lost a family member.' Sam broke the news to Castiel and the man felt sick, his vision getting black. 

'Ohmygod' he whispered, knees going weak.

Sam held him up by his clothes. ‘You didn’t kill him, Castiel… i did. He was going to suffer long so i just ended it.’

'No no no…' Castiel pleaded tears rolling over the rim of his eyes. 'I'm so sorry.. i didn't… i didn't…'

'I told you… Castiel… this world is not for you. I can't lie to my pack where i go and whom i meet. And it's dangerous for you to meet me and my pack.'

'If you really don't care about me why you kept returning every afternoon? Why did you keep my book… why are you warning me… why are you here now?'

Castiel knew the answer but wanted to hear it from Sam’s lips. He was coming back for the same reason Cas did. He reached hand up and cupped Sam’s cheek, looking him with pleading eyes.

'Just say it, Sam… Since day one i'm in your head..

'Don't…' Sam stepped back and shook head. 'There's nothing between us and nothing will ever be..'

'Stop lying, Sam.' Cas insisted angrily. 'Don't make me look like a fool.'

'You will be a fool if you keep looking for me… it's over…' Sam turned and ran. 

'SAM WAIT…'Castiel yelled and ran after him but he was too slow. He tripped and fell in the dirt but didn't stop calling after Sam. 

Sam ran for a long time farther than he usually ran, heart pounding in his chest like never before. Castiel’s voice echoed in his head, so pleading and sad. Sam didn’t want to hurt him.  _Hell_ , Cas missed him so much during the rainy days and Cas was right, Sam was interested in Cas and Cas was interested in him. Their afternoons were quiet, warm and happy like no other day in Sam’s life and he missed that, missed Cas being naive and dreamy. 

But not meeting again was better for both of them and Sam hated it. 

He couldn’t bare it and arched his back howling loud at the skies.


End file.
